You know, I dont have much patience this morning, so I (somewhat) apologize if my reply reeks of snark. Marriages (or partnerships) are not secondary to parent-children relationships; nor are they primary. Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK. But, now hes faced with the unwanted consequences of that choice, and while its unfortunate, its how life works. Theyve both made their choice. Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. The child support goes to support the child. female landygirl Your welcome. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. My hand felt like someone smacked a block of ice with a hammer. Men this means condom. landygirl. 1. the baby is not your fault. You deserve that label for attacking a woman that you dont even know, for trying to blame her for sperm-jacking your loser boyfriend and for suggesting that she is trying to trap him. Abandoning a child does. If he was the kinda guy that decided he wanted to be in his childs life every 5 years when it was convenient and made promises that he never kept and lost interest after a while, that would be seriously damaging to that childs sense of self-worth. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. My inclination would be to run away from this guy as fast as you can. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. But early on, this is not an inevitable outcome, and if only one person wants the child, the other should be able to not be obligated. Are you unable to fathom that although both men and women are responsible for creating a pregnancy, they arent capable of both taking on the same responsibilities during a pregnancy? This man in the letter has spent those same 25 years being an ever-aging manchild. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. Step away slowly. He didnt invest in your relationship. female AndreaMarie After 2 months, I initiated for a comeback. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. Temperance REALLY?! Especially the children. door to door service. He didnt expect that to happen. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. and the man has the option to take extra precaution and choose to wear a condom. LW, this guy sounds like a scumbag. Jess of CGW Whos the daddy? That is a risk women take. Im happy to have found a father in my father-in-law, who has really become the dad I never had in that he loves me, supports me, listens to me, and even spoils me, haha! You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. A better comparison would be a woman abandoning her child in a shelter, etc- and while Im happy there is an option for truly desperate people (who often have major issues, mental illness, abuse, etc), I do think that doing that rather than going through a traditional adoption channel is a pretty scummy thing to do. 6napkinburger We still cant quite manage partheogenesis or budding. And whether you think its fair or not that the woman gets the final say on whether to abort or not and the father has to live with that decision, it doesnt matter. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. So, youre wondering what is it about her that he is willing to commit himself and give his all to her. If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. Its not anyones fault, theres no one to blame. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. Well, there are more than a million people who have been unexpectedly pregnant in this country, so arguably those risks are higher. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. Unbelievable I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. When all of our comments are just reiterations of the same sentiment it can get boring. He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? My biological father, whom Ive never met, responsibly paid child support and didnt confuse me by dropping in and out of my life. In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. Hes so full of sh*t, I bet his eyes are brown. And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? If hes such an awful scumbag, why would you want to force him to be a father. My issue is even, at the very least, if you dont want to wear a condom.then pull out!!! When choosing adoption, I think youve made a conscious decision that your child will be better off being parented by people other than you. It is possible to get pregnant on the pill if you dont take it at the same time everyday, so maybe use backup protection if youre fucking someone you dont know? I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. Francine If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. Well, they dont entirely disregard fairness to the mother and/or father, but the childs interests take precedent. Pay[ing] for it is responsible, even if its not what the mother of the child, or potentially the child, may initially want. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. He should have taken more precautions. You can have a relationship with someone with a child but you have to be ready for it. My boyfriend and I split up for two months. November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. The female of the species carry the offspring. (Well assume she is pro life for non religious reasons because Im not sure why a religious person would be fine with banging after two minutes thats a whole other can of worms). I dont doubt that Sure Baby, I love you. Malarky. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Go argue with the feminists. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Year 1970. Its not the situation, but the way its written. They are all pointing out that the bf is equally responsible for the childs existence and should respect her right to choose.Not only that but they advise the LW to consider her bf role in this drama and not take her anger out on the pregnant woman (who owes her nothing), John Rohan I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! Or is it Dear Wendy gender wars where the men stick together to excuse bad behavior of men while the women cry foul? Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? Just stay away from mens wallets. She should think long and hard about that reason and not take her former bf back. Both agreed to cut him out entirely, up to and including child support, so that he was free of any obligation. And without condoms?! She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. Theres a fun scenario. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . It doesnt sound like hes ready to be a one-woman man and get married (let alone start a family), and it doesnt sound like the LW is entirely willing and able to deal with being with a man who has fathered a child that isnt theirs. ! "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. iseeshiny There is no way to know this. ele4phant While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. I believe I saw the C-word used at least once. Neither one of THEM created a child. April 10, 2012, 6:37 pm. meaning, i was on the pill, i brought condoms, i asked about testing. John Rohan Given that fact base, why wouldnt a woman who wanted a baby (but not a husband) entrap a suitable donor? Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. Its fucking unfair. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father.
teri and ian amazing race where are they now