I dont mean Im suicidal, but I feel like a rudderless ship being blown aimlessly about on an endless ocean. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. Every time I see a truck like he drove it brings back my pain. He had the same slightly crooked nose, mocha skin, 5'9" body and Spartan-warrior haircut. And took over my wifes life I came home valentines night from work found my wife leaning against the wall on the floor. In an odd way, I dont want to be done because I feel like if I stop thinking about her then that means I have stopped loving her (which I know isnt true, but thats how it feels). Im in month 25. Thank you for sharing, Its been 2 years and tomorrow 1 month. I just cant see me with anyone else. Nothing seems to bring us any comfort or happiness. With it being almost 2 years since he passed away and my 2nd birthday without him being a couple weeks from now, Im drowning. He died in hospice and seeing him in a comma 9 days, and finally passing on still plays in my mind. Sometimes it just feels like a bad dream. Its been a year and 5 months since I lost my husband. I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. I hv a beautiful daughter, but I want her 2 live, not burdened w/my emotions. I am just into my second year and the intensity of grieving seems to have increased. My Wife, best friend, confidant, solemate is gone. He was sick for over ten years and he was the one who kept my spirits going. Him and I were very close. The first year was missing my wife and being sad for my daughters. Could you kindly help me to contact Emma J Andrews Please? I thought I was moving forward but the holidays have definitely set me back. and still he doesnt appear. I now am stronger. I might not cry several times a day like before, there is just a constant state of sadness & loss, wanting & longing to share what we had together as loving soul mates. This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. They sure can kick you when youre down. i guess thats it for my self pity party. presidential tweets can be entertaining or they can spin me downward as i dont have my hubby to discuss this craziness with. You can see them coming. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. The second is Grief Share, Your Journey from Mourning to Joy, a nationally organized support program to help individuals in their most difficult journey. I lost my firstborn precious child, my 10 year old son a few days away from 14 months ago. i pray for all my friends that are suffering to die soon they are lucky to tell loved ones so long. He was gone and there was nothing he could do about it or me. Often I would repeat No, No, No to the point where it began to be so compulsive that it worried me. Also available in CD read by the author. Life has lost its luster. I would do anything to hear the words mommy. I remember the 1st year being a blur. That actually happened a few times 2 of which seemed very real. The hymns always make me cry and then I come home, make a cup of tea and play more beautiful songs and hymns. Im trying to keep positive for my other son but inside In broken. Its the alone time that wrecks me. I try to be strong for everyone but cry myself to sleep most nights not sure what Im supposed to do next. I think the hardest part for me is that no one misses me if I dont come home at night after work or any other time for that matter, its incredibly frightening to be in this world alone. I havent lived since the diagnosis last June. I left the house for about 15 minutes and came home and found him dead on the kitchen floor. My best wishes and I hope you and I find that path. Despite aggressive treatment, she passed away after 9 months at 59. Though true, it doesnt help. i struggle to find the meaning in life and wonder what the point is in trying to care about anything I feel as if nothing i do is ever going to matter to anyone and that nothing will ever be the ok again. i can stare at the bookwork i need to do and its as far as i get. For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. He was diagnosed with GBS syndrome. Its been crazy. Just coming up for the first anniversary in mid November, I am feeling wretched and exhausted. Everything reminds me of him and I find myself distancing myself from people and things that were familiar to us both. Every day I beat myself up thinking about what I should have and could have done to help her in her passing. They dont want to hear about it anymore. I will say all the craziness going on in the world and especially in the U.S. where the nightmares and fear continues with daily presidential tweetsa distraction I wish I didnt havebut a distraction from grief none the less. Yet, everyone loved him. Hearing your story makes me not feel alone. I thought I was coping my kids where still trying to cope with there own grieve. I too keep wondering if it will get any better. They are blessings. Now someone has died on every major holiday. Express your emotions and honor your loved one's memory through art. I miss him everyday and I just pray to God that he gives me the strength I need to move forward in life because Im not only living for me. Hang in there for you and family. Then a few months later it came back with a vengeance.. everywhere. His death has opened wounds of the loss of my parents. Over the next few months I was in the hospital myself six times (not COVID related, though.) I look up at the sky and think of my husband all the time. Since then, I have a general awareness that she watches over me, but I cant hear or feel her. What if he knew he was sick and just didnt want me to know? Ive had only two positive dreams about him since my passing and each were overwhelming in the realization that the weight of the grief had been temporarily lifted. I have me4 a man who I like and makes me laugh. As many of you have attested, over time, episodes of intense grief begin to happen less often yet they still wallop the same punch when they come. A lot of us are going through the same exact thing you are going through. Nicely written by Emma J Andrews. Im only having the most difficult time at night once our boys go to bed. Sibling loss! Feel like Ive gone back to the early days of losing him. I keep myself so busy its a little crazy. The second year was guilt as I moved further from her friends and family (honestly, we moved from each other). The few times I try to talk to friends they are uncomfortable and I can tell they want me to move on. I dont want to move on away from him. Glenna had a massive stroke right after I'm dropping a video in a few minutes on this I lost my husband of 42 year suddenly 15 months ago. Nothing left for me. So I had my children to worry about also now the puppies and my husbands family member. The second year is different in many ways, first that some people expect you to be over it. I keep telling myself it will get easier but I just cant see easier insight. I want to share with you all what happened to me last night. Year four has gone by and I cry so many times during the day that I feel like it will never end. I continue to struggle everyday with my loss. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. I keep busy volunteering, taking line dancing class and helping with my granddaughters. But, I had to stop after his death & I was sick. You are in mourning feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. This loss has left me feeling like i have lost all ability to find any happiness. The first few months of the second have been harder for me than any of the FIRSTS of the first year, Miss him everyday, My mom passed last May of 2017 and it will barely be a year this May and I dont know why but I am having a hard time, harder then when she first passed. We get together once or twice a week and have made no plans for a future together. Good luch everyone.. I just want to let you know that, youre not the only one that feels this way, and that youre not alone. One step at a time, small victories of peace- that is we will make it and live. "Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.". A time we could have reconnected and had some fun after working all these years for that goal. I was numb the first year, but Know Its really hard. My wife passed away just over 2 yrs ago. Although we got to say our good byes. Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection. Thank you my heart goes out to you very much Don. I press on, hard with old friends and family who look sad when they us. My life feels now like I am walking on a tightrope carrying a boulder in my arms. Just last night I was in the grocery store and they had a Buy one/get one sale on an item that we both loved. I went home with a really heavy chest, I cant wait to tell him in the morning (son used to go to our bedroom and hug him good morning and an I love you dad). The twelve month anniversary of my wifes passing came and I thought I would cope but I totally lost it. Jackie, your words hit the mark, I lost my husband 18 months ago, no warning just woke up to finding him taking his last breath, I called 911, started CPR after 20 min. it helped and still does. A grieving cat may go off its food. She did great for months until something unexpected killed her: Liver failure due to tumors. You never forget, you just learn how to deal with the pain and heartache. I know I will have to carry this pain around until I die too, because it will never ease. To Everyone, I feel your pain. Christmas, new year and my birthday went and she was still in coma. Intense emotional pain and sorrow, sometimes with anger and bitterness. I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks its called, Something You Get Though by Willie Nelson look it up. Im trying to figure out why its hitting me again all of the sudden after so many months of thinking I was fine. visitors from Search Engine (by keyword) I have not traveled this road as long as you have but I can not imagine a time where I will not miss my love nor a time when tears and despair will not arise but I can see where I will be better though it may be a long time from now. He was 70 years old. I had to sell my house I could not afford it so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. My husband died at home just over one year ago. It didnt hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didnt get to take her home. I think of that all the time, when I feel like I cant go on. I watched him wither away. It reads like you loved very deeply and feel his loss keenly. Then, I ended up getting sick from malnutrition. Dad has passed 18 mths now. Im old. Now no one mentions my husbandonly me I want to say his name and share our memories.but other peoples lives carry on.and I am left with mine blown apart. Ive been struggling but its been manageable. But now I wish I could just turn back time to be a child and hug my mom again. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. Trying to figure out how Ill ever move on and know I have to. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. That makes me mad in itself that I cant compare this loss to others for so many different aspects. There is an acceptance of his loss that has begun to take root. I am 55 I just cant go on therapy does not help I pray to God to take me and let someone else live. We had been married 49 years, and I still have no idea how to live without him. I talk about him to everyone way too much, even strangers, it is like I cannot believe it and saying it out loud confirms it. He fell and hit his head, passing away very suddenly. The way she was with our 4 babies 8-20 years old. I still think about my husband everyday and I still miss him, but now when I think of him its with a smile. I just felt he was near. tten easier. We were married 33 wonderful years and I cherish the time we had. I know thats not possible and I told myself early on that my life had changed forever and I am still trying to get used to the new normal That doesnt stop the pain, though! Why do people with live child get to talk about them so freely and Im supposed to not talk about my son. Everything seems meaningless. We were the very best of friends and partners in life, did everything together. From year 2 until now, its not the memories anymore; its the loneliness, the silence, the emptiness May his memory be a blessing, My wife passed on 03/13/15. He was so above pettiness and saw things though a better side of life. Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. Holly, I cant breathe sometimes. The second year was just as difficult but, for different reasons. I will continue the fight. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. I hate my life and wish to die daily. Now, I dont cry as often. I was her carer at home till she passed away and now I am broken hearted and dont know what to do. Im almost at 18 months after my wife of almost 24 years died.nothing has got better.i still have my three cats.thats it.I have no living relatives or children im almost 63 disabled and struggle daily just to survive now. We are more aware of those around us and of what we no longer have like pouring salt into an open wound. In my dreams, we are hanging out, talking, laughing, and we always acknowledge the fact that she has passed away. I feel isolated. I cant afford to say in house but can afford 1k a month either. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. Its a reality that still blows my mind.hes not here but he should be, Im incomplete and trying to find the new me. We where married for 29 years. This is my second Christmas without him and I promise the nights for me are the worst. It was the Uncle who lived in the UK that was my one of my last links with my Mum & their early life, this is what is hitting me. Good luck., I feel your pain. If I could take all of her hurt and put it on my own heart I would. They only thing was he was not responding to any stimuli, he just so happened to have a little brain damage in the best place possible, but after a week, we decided to let him go, the neurologist gave us no possible hope and his numbers were not getting better. All I can tell you is that in the weeks following his death I visited psychics, read about everything I could in an afterlife, looked forward signs.this is called denial. What you just said describes how I feel about my husband who passed on from this life in July of 2020. The stories Ive read on this site are more in line with my experiences. Im not saying there is no life after death but I am saying that if there is, that is his journey. I would like to contact to Emma J Andrews. Scars are a testament to life. I beg for at least a sign, that he hears me, and nothing yet All me best regards. Talk about him, laugh about him. How does one explain, the years of laughter, loving, holding hands, winks toward each other, many, many memories of simple days I lost my wife as well, my best friend o 32 years. She would know it was no tribute to her love that I cease to even love myself and the precious moments of life I still have. Its somehow soothing to see some of my blurry thoughts in writing. I feel so selfish posting after reading these. I want everyone reading this post to pray to God to take me. The medications are harsh but necessary. Sweetie I understand completely. I am an unmarried single man of 46 years Mum lived with me. My husband has been gone for 5 1/2 months now and there are days I am almost immobile with the grief; I didnt even know it was possible to cry this hard or that it could actually cause physical pain to grieve. Lend a supportive ear to others. Never had a negative I lost my soulmate 23 months ago and am surprised at the intensity of my sorrow. All the years of Surgery,radiation and Chemo. Somehow, I feel I must leave in order to build a new life while at the same time I am afraid to leave the remnants of our life shared. I lost my husband 12/16/2016. no one understands and I often find myself pretending to others everything is fine. I was able to bury him next to his father. It will be two years this month. Seriously! We only had 11 years together but they where the best years Ive ever had. I am so fortunate that I have our wedding video. But in between waves, there is life. In the months that followed my mom's death, I got my dream job writing about celebrity and pop culture at VH1, my boyfriend became my fianc, and I smiled through bridal showers and bachelorette parties for dear . Theres nothing that the doctor could do for him he live nine days I think the when the doctor told her what was wrong it killed him knowing he was so bad and nothing that could be done. I miss him more than last year..the memories, both happy and sad, ate more vivid than ever. I just cant think of even one good reason why I am here. I am English but have a wonderful friend in Alabama also a widow . She passed suddenly from a heart attack. Oh Jennifer I read your words and its like me talking, I feel with you. I miss him as much today as I ever gave. I know its partly because we discussed these remodels b4 he passed & I find myself turning 2 ask his opinion & hes not there. Im tired of my sister telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get back to living. Im in a slump dont wont go out or visit. Susan was the only person who ever truly understood me and love me unconditionally. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. I dont know what to do.. My whole life has been turned upside down. Today I took an afternoon nap and when I woke up., i finally got dressed at 5:00 why bother. The second year was painful that my wife of 28 years was not experiencing trips I was taking or vacations with our daughters. Im a forty six year old widow and had been with my husband eight years. The other daughter from another marriage and she gave us three beautiful grandchildren Tyler 16 Dominic is turning in today and beautiful Savannah who just turned 3 every time I spend time with those children and I see, I too, lost my beloved husband two years ago. May God bless your soul. I am 54 now. Two years on it still breaks my heart my two children have been wonderful and my grand-daughters keep me going but I find it ooo so hard. I dont want it to be something that just passes. I try to keep positive and remember that the love I have for him is stronger than anything in this world. A white feather flew into my hand out oof the blue. I hope that all of us find a peace and it may not be till we cross to the other side and find the loves of our lives waiting there on us. My mind keeps going over all of the treatments and hospital stays and all the hopes we had of him getting better of no avail. It was unexpected his passing we have been together since freshman year highschool have two LIVING boys 2 and 3 years old. In year 2, Ive been thinking a lot lately about one more smile, a hug, a kiss, a conversation, a meal together. And youre right, In my mind, it feels like if I had that one more. I have wonderful family and I started going back to church after he died. I too have felt the way you feel. I can totally understand these feelings. I dont know how long ill Live on without him, trapped in this hell, but ill Be so relieved when this life is finished, and I see him again. It doesn't heal them, but it gives us the opportunity to learn from them. We were together for 27yrs married 19 yrs. Maybe it is because we all thought if we made it to the first anniversary how could the pain not ease up. 26 Likes, TikTok video from Chantra Keobunta (@chantrakkeobunta): "It's been a little over 2 months since my Mom passed away. Some days I just find it impossible to even tackle housework having that cant be bothered feeling and only going out to do the weekly shop. And the griever may find themselves thinking, this isnt any easier. But I still have so many questions. There is a pretty well-accepted theory on grieving that the first year is the hardest. You've opened my eyes to see what it all means. We were told of the poor prognosis but we soldiered on and thought she would somehow wake up and get better. My heart goes out to you. My husband died 2 years ago (his anniversary, April 20, 2019). I feel I can,t cope. However, I end up waking up, and like a mouse in a wheel, run the same cycle daily. Worst thing Ive ever gone through. I pray daily that God would take me so that I could be with my wife. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. My deep faith in God has sustained me and believe me this is a work in progress. I was so blessed to have him. And had the door open when I came home at night. I was married for 54 years and the care taker for my Mike. I just want to isolate myself so people wont try to tell me to feel better when I cant. I was her care taker 24/7, she was also my best friend and constant companion. Also her name was Holly and now with Christmas coming. It is very hard, being the eldest, the expectations and the norm of just dealing with parents grief is heart breaking. "Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply" - Zane Grey. Collapsed at our 49th anniversary dinner. I lost my French wife nearly the same condition. My birthday. He did have some medical issues but he pulled through all of them and then suddenly passed. At least we always made sure to tell each or other I love you before we parted on the phone or in person.And although there was a bit of a gap between us they were there for every stage of my life as a baby they helped my mom with me not because they had to no they wanted to,as a child they were my heros then as time went on the feeling was mutual and a bond grew She made it 7days. I too have to act for my 2 remaining children because they were so worried about me. As painful and intense as the mourning was, it was when I felt closest to him and the best way I could find to say, I love you. And so, when grief came knocking I answered. RKD. Death can be attractivethe end of the torment of loss, but I implore you to think of what you may still offer others and perhaps even find peace and joy in while living. Its not worth the pain and the change to your self and those around you. I felt Helpless blamed myself. But I meet someone in March 2017 three months after my husband passed away. There are still things in life you must accomplish. She passed after 8 months. I still shed a tear for her and look forward to the day I see her again in heaven. Dear Charaine I pray for you and your recovery! Thank you. We had 36 wonderful yeayears. What followed her death was aweful . I have to accept this grief will never go, but I do wish it would lesson, maybe after the 2 years? . It's been 3 months since my husband passed. Cry everyday and pray everyday for strength and hope. But going into this second year without him, I can only hope he is at peace, and I will have done something to continue and value him that will go beyond me when its time for me to go. So I dont open to her, she has a lot of anger, which doesnt help me at all. Never happy. All in all he was fortunate t I be taken fast. I pray everyday for the lord to take me. I dont have any children or grandchildren either, just my 4 dogs. She never loved anyone like I did my husband, and cannot fathom why I am still grieving after all he was a very sick man and he just couldnt have lasted longer. 84 year old and try to get back to things I used to enjoy but it isnt working. So I guess according to her, I should be done with it. I wish the pain would just be more kind. See more ideas about grief quotes, grieving quotes, miss you dad. it never brings back what we had or how do we retrieve. He was like a Dad to me since my own wasnt he stepped up and took very good care of me. It was after the first week that I began to fear she wouldnt make it. Early on I dehydrated terribly and could not think clearly at all. I feel like Im struggling with no sense of purpose and going no where. This second year is as hard as the first. I havent decided if thats true or not yet. Florida Statutes require you to submit the original Will to the clerk of the court within 10 days of the person passing, while Florida Statute says this, no one holds you to this rule for obvious reasons.
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