Likewise, you can come to an agreement about what would be an acceptable frequency for his guys night outs. There could be a circumstance when your husband really needs to give his family his undivided attention and financial help. Hes told you flat out he cant work on his marriage because hes too torn up about the death of the woman he loved. He lies and tells me they no longer text, until he gets caught red-handed again. And as well all know, Indian mothers do not let go of their sons even after marriage. I guess he thought I took it to far by saying "I know and I don't know why your mother feels she as to be so affectionate with her especially if she can't stand her and says that she does not want to speak to her". So if he has money to buy one Kanjeevaram saree, he will buy it for his mother. First, about the lying: Sometimes people lie because the person requesting the truth makes the truth telling so aversive. But you do not need their permission for baby-making. Well, I'm glad that you two have found the same page to be on. But you cannot always choose your family over your spouse. She is always around, he tells her all their business, and on their date night he invited his sister to come along. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. Besides having a family holiday does not mean having the elderly with you all the time. She is a 20 year old college girl and my husband is 28. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. Re: Is there a happy medium? Related Reading: 5 ways to deal with your husbands parents. If I even express how I don't understand how his mom can be so friendly with his ex-wife he gets mad at me. Even when she has said things that could be considered rude, I have just held my tongue. Denied he gets upset, denied that he talks about my family, denied that he has been nit-picky toward my daughter, nieces/nephews, denied he uses an angry tone when he does nit-pick, etc. If you see that most of your husbands income is given away to his parents for the upkeep of their home and you are left struggling with the finances at the end of the month, then it becomes really frustrating. And its the actual problem that needs addressing. It hasnt been pretty in my family but you know what? No worries about the "slamming" comment/joke etc. I'm glad to hear that he "fessed up" to the things he was doing. I'm not saying your mom this or that. We are currently living together and are starting to get our careers going. Thank you! Right now were debating having another child. But were both doing okay. If people ask follow-ups and you dont want to answer, a simple, Its a painful subject to talk about. My He would tell me that he doesnt wanna hurt her feelings, which made me feel less than. She may be too sunk into this mess to act, but sometimes an outsiders perspective can suddenly shine a mirror on a situation. You dont trust your husbandand for good reasonbut he may not trust you either, in the sense that he may not trust your capacity to acknowledge his truth were he to share it openly with you. But, is it my place (as a family member) and what would I say if I did take them aside? To everyone - Londers,Brice,Tinnkker and especially you Specialmom, thanks for your advice. Even if it may not sound like it, I appreciate your adv Because they are new to the household, women rely on their husband for protection. I always politely decline, but Id really like it if he stopped. I couldn't not believe that was the first thing he said!! Well, I'm glad that you two have found the same page to be on. You'll be happier seperating yourself from anger surrounding his family. I hope it c (especially if you have children). He says shes dead, so theres no reason for me to feel jealous or threatened, and asks for my understanding as he grieves. If you know this occurs.simply say nothing. 5 ways in which marriage turned out the opposite of what I imagined, 7 Tips For Men Who Are Stuck Between Wife And Mother In A Joint Family, 12 Ways to Deal With a Jealous Mother-In-Law. As you get more used to the break, you can add down the road, Sadly, he and I have separated. I think I may show this thread to my husband. And when I am ready, how do I tell my co-workers and clients? Even if it may not sound like it, I appreciate your advice. It does bother me that she is like this because she knows what she is done and she knows it affects my husbad but I'm mad about how my husband reacts when I side with him or say anything about it. He was annoyed and I agreed with him. Her words are if someone doesn't like it then tuff **it. It might make sense to talk to at least a few other people who are recovering alcoholics to hear about how they handle these situations, and learn about whether and why they see value in being open about their reasons. Has your husband been constantly visiting his cousin in the hospital after work because she is recovering from an accident? To everyone - Londers,Brice,Tinnkker and especially you Specialmom, thanks for your advice. First of all I don't speak ill of my MIL and never have. And once theres more space for the truth, there will be more understanding and compassion on both sides that will move you out of your respective corners and help you resolve the texting impasse. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. But this is a private matter between you and your husband. The Bonobology Team comprises expert writers who have been writing on this specialized subject of relationships for a long time and have a deep understanding of couple relationships and its ramifications. Maybe I shouldn't even say that. Hes lying about it, too. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the discussion. Went as far as to say he doesn't remember anything I'm talking about. Should Your Spouse Be Your First Priority? Good morning - Well I brought it up last night and at first it did not go well. He completely denied there was even an issue. Denied he gets upset, His daughter is 18 and treats my husband like crap and we all know it's due to what his ex says and does. WebYou might feel that your husband loves his sister more because he gives her more importance in his life. I can still remember standing up to my father in my 20s when he tried to get me to join in in ridiculing my mother. As a wife, you have to realize when your husband chooses his family he is actually making a tightrope walk and succumbing to a lot of pressure. We had to buy a new couch to replace our old college dorm room couch and we spent over a month talking about it weighing the pros and cons. You really have gotten good advice above. Similarly, theyre so wrapped up in anger and self-righteousness that they lack curiosity about themselves. Talk to you next time. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Here are two different ways to look at your situation: 1) Your husband is a no-good liar and you should leave him. Read Prudies Slate columns here. He is naturally protective My husband never stands up for me. Many men 3 Ways to Cope when Your Partner Does Not Defend You to We explore your options. Q. I came to an even playing ground. A: Ive said before that I dont think a man confesses his infidelity to his wifes sister because he really wants it to remain a secret. This brings us to the perennial dilemma of what to do when your husband is too attached to his family. My husband of 29 years spends more time with his sister and her family than he does with me and our children. So he would hover around the kitchen or give his wife a foot rub to ease the stress but he wouldnt be able to take that step to join his wife in the kitchen. I have been with this man for 2 years and we have a baby. My sister Never disrespect your wife by talking negatively about her to another woman. He's trying to make you jealous and you absolutely need to be worried because you have to ask him why he's doing this. Brides Unlike when in the UK or US where mothers often stop to have a drink after work before heading home, you would always see an Indian mom rushing home from work to help her child with homework or toss up delicacies for them. Take the example of Meenu and Rajesh, who are both well in their 50s and have been married for more than two decades. Dear Abby: My husband is weirdly close to his sister - The Mercury Q. If they think an American college is a waste of money but you have always aspired for one for your son, put your foot down. Id say you should express concern not just for the animal (which is the obvious issue) but also about how traumatizing it will be for him if the dog is too much to handle, wont let him rest, or has to be rehomed if it doesnt work out. I am all for maintaining family harmony (and hanging in there to support my sister), which is why I have kept silent, but Im at the point where I want to give her all this information and let the chips fall where they may. Its true that people who foot the bill can make demands. As for the issue with his sister, he and I got in an arguement over his sister because I told him something she did that he needed to know because it affected other family members and in order for nothing to get out of hand he had to know. it sounds like you may have found common ground. That's awesome. I'm glad to hear that he "fessed up" to the things he was doing. That gives him th Focus your unhappiness to where it belongs rather than it sounds like you may have found common ground. First, consider that if in your deceived disillusionment, youre compelled to push your partner away, virtually nothing beats telling them how awful they are. While theres nothing sexual in their messages, and he assures me they are only friends, I have repeatedly expressed my displeasure and discomfort about the situation. I agree with you, Mom, that a return to contained and modest celebrations is to be much hoped for. You tell as much as youre ready. Here are 12 things you could do to make the dynamics of your relationship with your husband vis-a-vis his family more streamlined: They could be working or they could be homemakers but it is a fact that the Indian mothers life revolves around children. A: If more people were like you, the housing crash might have been a lot less disastrous. Ok, hope that makes more sense than my last comment. My Friend Is Furious With Me for Ignoring Her Medical Crisis. She is over a decade older than me and lives, with her husband, 200 miles away. In that case, you will have to support him to stand by his family. It may be that the teenagers dont want to hear this message now. First, you need to ask and answer the kinds of questions I mentioned above while giving each other the space to be honest with yourselves and each other. with Women Other Than Your Wife We can fabricate your order with precision and in half the time. This could get really annoying because this is one of the tell-tale signs They have a largely happy married life, except for one aspect the sticky mother-in-law woes. The reason I know this is because he told me! Learn how your comment data is processed. You are welcome dear. No worries about the "slamming" comment/joke etc. :<)) I did refer to the word "slam" in my initial post because I didn't wan Resentment would create negativity in your relationship.
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